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what’s your story?

what’s your story?

There are two forces warring against your soul. Is it any wonder that life here on earth is not for the faint of heart? At times it’s a battle. Survival of the fittest.

In Epic, John Elderidge writes “Life doesn’t come to us like a math problem. It comes to us the way that a story does, scene by scene. You wake up. What will happen next? You don’t get to know-you have to enter in, take the journey as it comes. The sun might be shining. There might be a tornado outside. Your friends might call and invite you to go sailing. You might lose your job. Life unfolds like a drama.”

One thing I know for sure on my own journey through this life, is that there are things we can’t see, and things we cannot explain. You’ll be put into situations you strive to understand, but sometimes there’s no understanding at all.

A friend came to me perpelexed about a relationship and why it didn’t work out. She lived in one state, he in the other. He’d said many things to her over the course of their 8 months together, including that he loved her. Yet she was conflicted about moving forward, and continually confused. He said that he wanted to move to her city to experience life with her day to day, yet he’d also said many conflicting statements. She ran through the list of them and asked me what she should do. “We’ve never been exclusive, right?” he’d said after 8 months of her, investing in him. and, “I’m not sure I want someone else’s kids” (she has them), and “I’ve got to focus on the person here right in front of me, and, “I may move out of the country in two years,” and ‘If you love someone, let them go,” and finally, the one she understood the least; ‘I don’t want to hurt you.”

“How does all of that make you feel?” I asked.

“I know that he loves me. 100 percent. When we are together it’s the best feeling in the world. But, I end up confused. He hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends. And, we don’t see each other on weekends even. His actions don’t match his words. and, there are times when his words don’t even match his words!”

She had wanted to explore a life with this man. Was considering a major, life change to be with him. He’d recently asked her; “what’s preventing us from exploring a future together?” In the same conversation they had talked seriously about relocating their lives to the same city, and yet once again he took a step back. “Well, if I move somewhere else instead, I hope you don’t think it’s a bad sign for us.”

She was at a crossroads, seeking an answer.

I told her that in the end, life is really very simple. Life is a story, and there are invisible forces warring against your soul at all times, so we must first seek the Kingdom of God, for answers, instead of trying to figure it all out on our own. Sometimes, there are no answers visible to the naked eye.  Yet we humans continue to try to understand what cannot be understood. If you are confused and lack peace, just stop. Take a deep breath. Maybe turn the car around and take a different road.

And, as a writer let me remind you, that every scene, every story, has a beginning, a  middle, and an end. Sometimes we drag the end out too long. Have you ever seen a movie like that? And sometimes we end things before they’re supposed to. Still at other times, we’re that character in the story that messes up the outcome.

Try, but be prepared to let go of that which confuses you. The simplicity, is the fruit.  yes is yes. no is no.

What’s the fruit of your story? If a scene is confusing, and you repeat that same scene and it’s still confusing, you have to wonder who the author of that story is. The fruit of a good and healthy tree, is tasty, lovely, and light.


  1. Tammy, you are absolutely right and i am impressed to find out that your views for the journey of life are so similar to mine..
    When you go through traumatic situations it’s so easy to get lost.
    Oh yes, there are things i strived to understand, but all i got was more confusion and ambiguities, so i decided to let go. There are things we cannot see and explain.
    I even doubted who the author of that story is, but then i realised that the book is mine. Simplicity is the key.
    And i could not agree more: A ‘yes’ is ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ is a ‘no’.

  2. Just finished reading The Compass. Very good way to present to people one way of letting go of emotional chains.
    Thought you might like some of my thoughts on this from my notes page on Facebook that I posted last year.


    Morning Thoughts

    Thursday, August 6, 2009 at 7:39pm

    Have you ever wondered why we consciously do so much in our lives to improve our lives and we stay stuck in the trenches of our patterns of daily living? In my life time I have been blessed with much knowledge and awakening and self awareness. This is what I desired and I have achieved it to a great success. I have manifested material objects out of thin air (I had put a k on the end of thin and it became think air, how appropriate) and know a lot of the sacred secrets to the nature of the Universe. However, with all this understanding and knowledge, my soul still cries out that things are not what they should be with my life. I know how to have anything I want and know what my life needs to be complete. But why do I stay where I am physically and spiritually? Below, like a preamble, is the mantra that I quote so much from “On The Trellis of Memory” that is at the beginning of the book. Read it carefully and then follow my continued thoughts on this topic.

    From “On The Trellis of Memory” by Jenny Lind Porter and Elithe Kirk Hamilton.

    ONE BY ONE ON THE TRELLIS OF MEMORY the scarlet flowers open.
    Could we remember all we have done, we should be overwhelmed by our wickedness-
    In remembrance of this, compassion,
    Could we remember all we have loved,
    We would be confused and alarmed-
    Hence, objectivity in the midst of desire.
    If we could hold the rich blossoms of a thousand springs in our hands,
    Red with the soul blush of our former selves,
    We would be unable to fathom the mysterious balance of the oils of growth and decay.
    We dye a little blossom with a crimson anger,
    And in two thousand years, our brother takes it from the vine.
    We steep the petals of a lifetime with a festering greed,
    And afterward our own kin harvest and drink to their death.
    What I feed upon may be the pottage of Esau and Jacob,
    Or the devil’s brew some enchantress mixed for me in ancient Tamir before I was born.

    Thoughts are a cup, and thoughts are the nectar within, or a poison,
    And thoughts are the hands that hold it.
    If those hands were ours that held the cup whereof we drink,
    Wherefore shall we complain so bitterly, having destroyed ourselves?
    And wherefore shall we exult in anything evil,
    Knowing that we shall taste of it to our sorrow?

    We have not told ourselves the truth of joy.
    Say that we set it out beside the Nile,
    A green thing mortgaged to the deeper self;
    Say that we buried it among the snows
    High in the Himalayas of the heart;
    Say that we journeyed many lives and cares,
    One morning it returns to us again,
    As fresh as ever and no less divine.

    We have not told ourselves the truth of love.
    What I have loved propels me through the world,
    What I have hated sets me in the storm-
    Poor pilgrim! struggling in the night and rain.

    I dreamed and in my dreams I saw a land
    Covered with trees and plants whose many leaves
    Spoke with a voice I knew as from my soul:
    “This is the orchard of your mighty thoughts;
    Behold how we shelter you with sturdy boughs,
    Each one of us the nursling of your dreams-
    Behold the centuries shall feast you here.”

    For each of us, it would take a hard drive to store all that could be told of who we are and the experiences from this life time alone. To put it in perspective, I am going to focus on a an example of with some detail into it’s occurrence.

    Many years ago I went with my brother-in-law to the navy based he was stationed at here in Milton. It was a perfect day with white puffy clouds and the grounds were clean and orderly as with any base. I thought how beautiful this place was and how neat it would be to work here. Many years later the Pensacola News Journal asked me to help them when USA Today was started. Being owned by the same company, the newspaper helped in distributing them in the beginning. They paid me to do this and guess what. They had placed many newspaper boxes around the base which I had to fill each day. One morning the papers where late and when I got to the base, it was a bright sunny day with white puffy clouds. As I was putting the papers in one location, I looked up at the clouds and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My God, I have gotten my wish, however fleeting in my memory, I am working on the base. Chills filled my body and spirit as the insight to this great awareness into life filled me. So many things went through my head like “be careful of what you wish for you may get it” and many more.

    In this one instance, a great mystery into understanding our lives was revealed to me. Many pieces of the puzzle to who we are fell into place with that one piece fitting into place that day. This morning also another piece of the puzzle fitted with a memory of this event. I saw how I had put forth the energy in a thought form to work at this place and even though it took many years it came back into my life. Then I realized that I am and have been sending out these little desires or as the “Trellis of Memory” puts it, “mind ships”. I sail many out daily into the seas of the Universe and they return to me when my other thoughts and feelings and consciousness are stilled and they float into harbor in my life and bring the gift I shipped out for myself from some time in the past or future. Remember thoughts are energy and that energy does not go away. It stays around until some other form of energy awakens it and it manifests itself into material existence. Our little “mind ships” are the seeds we plant in the field of life called the Universe. They sprout in the most unexpected moments in our lives. Where they come from there is no time, so remember that your ship could come from your future self and not just from the past. All of life is one great continuum and we pluck out a lifetime and experience it out of this continuum to better our awakening of all there is in the field of life.

    Now back to my train of thought on this event. This morning I realized that I have all these little ships bouncing around out there and that by the innate structure of the Universe, I stay connected to them and others of like energy. So the harbor of my life is overflowing with all these little ships pulling into port and trying to unload their cargo into my life. I am overwhelmed at the mass of the ships that I have sailed into this life alone. All these little thoughts are controlling my life at present trying to manifest themselves. I become aware of them even more when I quite my mind and practice the needed quite from daily living. It is complicated with the other ships from others that are in my harbor also. I want to run to a forgotten sea where there are only few ships. We do this when we concentrate on the things we love like reading, a movie, hobby, and the list goes on. Calgon take me away, HA HA!!

    Now the question is how do we release these desires to the field of life without them manifesting and adding to the complication of the moment. I see this to be the thing I and we need to get the flow of life balanced. It is not that the world and all of it’s woes are causing my issues in life but in all the little moments of living, from happiness to traumatic fears, we send out these little ships and they return to us one day most unexpectedly. How many more await harbor? They manifest even in our thoughts and pull at us stretching us thin until we feel about ready to break. It is quite apparent that most lie still in the subconscious levels of mind and control much that we do. The only thing that I can see to do is to seek more solitude and quite so that they can harbor and unload their cargo and be gone. Also to not desire to control situations in life and be more objective and observe and not be so involved and emotionally attached to a situation. As I write this more awareness comes. How blind we are at times when we hold the keys to the kingdom within our hands. “Hence, objectivity in the midst of desire”. The very answer lies in the verses given to me so long ago. Now I know how important they are and why they have played so much of a part in my life.

    In limiting my desires, I see also a way of lessening this burden I have placed on myself. Simplify, Simplify, Simplify. Remember these words from a very wise American. I am my most when I walk through the woods and just be and observe and want nothing but to experience the beauty that is there. This is the greatest gift given to mankind. We need to protect the remaining areas untouched by us and restore all those we have wasted. To have less is to have more of something that cannot not be fully expressed in words. This is what all our souls are crying out for and we turn a blind eye and ear to it’s calls to stop all this chaos.

    I hope the little ships that harbored this morning have something for all of you this day. I cannot at present share the Manifest of their content. It is to great a list. In time though I will share more.




    My parting thought to all is go back and read the words from “On The Trellis of Memory”.

  3. To Tammy. I’ve just read your book,(the compass) i found it to be very inspirational and uplifting.its a book that touches your soul in many ways and i’m glad i had the privilage to read it Its a funny thing how i came about getting it, for i’m not the kind of person who reads books often,but i was in the warehouse( which is the same as walmart here in new zealand ) and i happened to go past this stand which had the compass on it, so i picked it up thinking it was the movie the compass and started to read it. It was like it lured me to it because it was the only book there,so now my soul feels so uplifted now. so thank very much for putting together a beautiful book. from colin in new zealand.


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